Have you ever met someone over the internet, and felt like they were just "meant" to be in your life? Like you knew them, even though you didn't? Well, if you have, 6 months ago, I would have called you "odd." That is until I met Shea. Shea is...well, there are no words for Shea. She and I have become so close, that I am not sure what I did before her. Kinsley started modeling for her about 6 months ago. She owns a boutique called Stinkin Cute Designs. Her work is truly AMAZING. I am obsessed with personalized clothing, and she keeps Kinsley stocked with all my loves. If you are unaware of her, you HAVE to go to www.stinkincutedesigns.com! It could change your life!
Anyway...So Shea came to Texas this past weekend. She and another one of my friends, Paige Walker(who, I also am unsure what I did before her)planned a photoshoot together. It was PERFECT. The whole weekend was awesome, and went by way to fast. We went to Joe T's for dinner Saturday night. FABULOUS! I think I may have her convinced that she can't live Joe T's, and she needs to move. I was sad when she left, but I know we will see each other again. Super soon!
He is my soul mate. The end. Our pretty awesome name cards... I LOVE being a Ford :) :) Even the door was Super Cool! I am sure you can picture how awesome it was sitting on the back porch... The Infinity pool overlooking the moutains was breath taking!
I also forgot how much I LOVE horseback riding. Need more of this more as well!
I even caught a fish! I am hooked now, and feel like I need to fish more!
Well. So. As you can see I was wrong. Please do not tell anyone, as it really does NOT happen that often. But, as far as my fears, and grumpiness in regards to my anniversary adventure, I was wrong. There. The trip was perfect. I do not often say that word, because, well, nothing is perfect. Well, shoot, guess I was wrong again, because this trip was perfect. It was worth every penny. It was pure love, friendship, and fabulousness that came with us. I fished for the first time. LOVE. The horseback riding. LOVE. Skeet shooting. HATE. But everything from the food, to the room, to the staff. AMAZING. And, it was impossible to be there and look around and not see how truly AMAZING God's work is. His art was everywhere. I am blessed.
Colby was SUCH a little man. He MADE this day SO special
The BEST day EVER!!!
Sooo. My husband tells me(the day after a terrible fight) that we are going AWAY for our anniversary! My mind takes me to a beach, with a cold drink in my hand workin' on my tan...I say "REALLY?!!!! Where are we going?!!!" He then says a place called Wildcatter Ranch. "HUH?" Now if you know me...AT ALL, then you know that I am just not an out-doorsy kinda girl. I mean, unless it involves a beach...and a cabana boy. I then ask him the most important question ever..."WHY? Really, why can't we go to a beach?" Then I realize that this is the very FIRST time he has put any type of effort into our anniversary, and instead of being typical, snobby Mindy, I should be grateful, and respectful of his doing this. That became even harder to do when I found out how much we were paying to go. I will not lie, I got sick at my stomach. It is costing an enormous amount of money for only 3 days. I tried to remain graceful with my words, because, again, this is SO not Mike Ford to plan stuff like this. Well...Now, I am SO EXCITED! I just can NOT hardly wait. I am READY to shoot stuff, fish, go canoeing, ride horses, and just be one with nature. We NEED this time together. This trip will be the two of us, doing "his" kinda stuff, but I could NOT be more thrilled to do them with him. There are rockin' chairs on the back porches of the "cabin-rooms" I am looking forward to sitting out there with a bucket of beer, and just being STILL! Watching the sunset. Happy Girl! I pray that we come back from this trip rejuvenated, and REFRESHED! Goodness knows we need that. My camera is charged and ready to go! I am READY to become a country girl!(City Mindy, will return Sunday...Lets not be crazy! Ha) I can NOT believe I have been married to this man for 4 years. He still gives me butterflies. I love him more and more, and MORE each day.
So last week just for lack of better words...SUCKED. I shut down...Completely shut down for a day. What a wasted day. I hate being like that. It's not me. I mean...It can be me, if I let it. I choose not to let it. I was not a motivator for my friends, I was not available for my husband or my kids. I was selfish. I chose to have a pity party, and cry. A Lot. I don't enjoy that side of me, but she visits ever so often. I am blessed. Truly blessed. Last week I forgot that. My purpose of this post is to remind me when I get down. To stop. Look around. Remember what I have, and forget about what I don't have. I know there are moms out there that would just almost give anything to stay home with their children, and while I can NOT guarentee that I will LOVE it everyday, I am making every effort to not dwell on what I "could" be doing, and try to focus more on what I CAN do while I am home.
1) Mike is completely drained when he gets home. I mean, he can barely talk because he is so "talked" out. This really has a tendency to frustrate the FIRE outta me. I want to talk... So he has started coming home and going straight to the shower. He uses that time to unwind, and de-program himself. If I worked, I would feel the same way, and I would not want to talk either, and then no one would be talking...except the kids...to each other. That is not good.
2) The house pretty much stays clean...I am not saying its spotless, BUT I have less than 3 loads of laundry that needs to be done at a time...If you know me super well, then you know that I am more the type to have laundry moutains...And then I get so overwhelmed I just stare at it...And then my husband finally has enough and it causes a fight, and then I spend the next day trying to catch up...This doesn't happen now that I am home. I am thankful for one less fight.
3)I am able to meet friends for lunch, or go to the grocery store when there are not 5 million people there. That is very nice.
4) I can take a nap...its true
I can give all my energy to my family, but I have to choose to not be bitter about it. Perhaps Kinsley needs a mother day out program...Perhaps I need to join a moms group...Honestly...I think it all boils down to how I feel about MYSELF...Isn't that dumb?! Ha! I mean I think If I felt better about my weight, hair, nails, clothes,(I mean it can go on and on...) then I would be more content in other areas... Perhaps bootcamp is NOT such a bad idea after all... I mean who wants to join a moms group, or even go out in public when your stupid clothes don't fit? Call me vain, but I do NOT.
I certainly am not fully into my pink hole, and I am not out of my black hole completely....BUT the hole I am in is starting to lighten up, and hey that's a start! I am still trying to find my purpose, but I HAVE TO REMEMBER TO TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!!!!!!! :)
I have typed, and then re-typed this post at least 5 times. I can't get my words out the way, I want, so I just get more fussy about it. But I will try to tell you whats on my mind in a list. Perhaps that will be easier.
1) I HATE humble pie. It would appear that every time I think I have my fabby little life all figured out, God smiles, and then makes me eat a big helping of humble pie. I would appear that He has NOTHING better to do, than to teach me lessons, or make me eat pie I hate.
2)Today I think being a stay-at-home mom is the worst job ever! I mean, its not like I am teaching her 5 different languages. In fact, some days we just tolerate each other.
3)Today my husband is NOT my BFF.
4)I honestly don't know how I would function with out my friends. They ensure that I don't get lost in my own misery. I would be lost with out them, and one of my closest, most precious friends is one that I haven't even hugged in person. MAY OH MAY
5) If you ask someone if they want to come back to work, and they say yes, and send you their resume, its only polite to keep in contact with them in ONE way or another.
6) Boot camp starts on Monday. Ick
7) My son is brilliant, and I am very worried that I am not doing enough to channel his gifts. It is something that bothers me constantly. I assure you, there is nothing worse than your child being smarter than you. Promise.
8) I wish I had a clear purpose in life, something for me. I am lost in all of my hats, and none of them are bringing me any type of joy. I want to throw my wife hat at my husband today, my mom hat is fine, but I'm getting lost in trying to figure out what day it is, because, really, they are all the same. I miss my nursing hat, but don't ever want to put more time and energy into an outside source like I did previously. I want my Mindy hat back!!!!!!!
9) I want my neighbor to rot in jail, or at least a different zip code.
I hate feeling like this, because, the happy, perky, fun Mindy is WAY more fabulous, but today I am really struggling with the thought of Is she even real, or just a figment of my imagination? A show, for others. I am not sure today.
So. As you know, I have recently become a DSR for Vintage Couture(formerly My Vintage Baby.) I must say, that for the first time in a long time, I feel like I have purpose again. Although I can't explain my heart being pulled from nursing, and in a way that makes me very sad. I have always been a nurse, and a FABULOUS one at that. My heart is just not there, for at least right now. This is a very scary thing for me, because while my heart is not in nursing, I am not sure where my heart is. I kinda feel like I am standing in the middle of the field, just waitin' for God to tell me what to do. While I can't just lie in bed until he tells me what "Im supposed to do,"(that would be FAB huh) I do feel like he is giving little tiny cues that I am doing the right thing. For now. I start every morning asking him simply for my Manna for the day. Basically, asking him to just help me through the day, holding my hand and what not. He is just SO beyond AMAZING. I still have some trust issues with him, but MAN, I am getting closer, and closer to where I need, and He wants our relationship to be. On to giving me cues, that I am walking the right way. Today. I say today, because I am trying very hard to just think about today. Yesterday, I prayed that he would give me a sign that I am doing the right thing for my family, as far as outside income. 5 minutes after that, I got a text msg from VC(vintage couture)'s National Sales Mgr, Holly. First, I need to tell you how amazing Holly has been. She is brand new, and she has already changed the company for the better. She has added trainings, which is all FABULOUS. She has also started the VC hotline, which is a phone number that you call to hear a inspirational message for the day. I LOVE this. The mentors that have already recorded messages have all been so helpful, and wonderful. Ok, so anyways- I get a text message from Holly, asking ME to do the inspirational message this weekend!!!!!!!! HUH? Ok, remember, I started like yesterday. There are people who I am quite sure would be better served to inspire and teach the other DSRs. But I got chosen. Someone thinks that I, little ol' baby DSR, me, would have something inspiring to say. I asked God for confirmation that I am doing the right thing, and then I get asked to do this. I am TRULY humbled. SO beyond humbled. And honored, and excited. I have NO clue what I will say, but I trust that with the Lord's help, I will get through it, and HOPEFULLY my excitement, and true fire in my bellyness will inspire, or at least make someone else excited! We will see.
OMGosh. Ok, I am BY FAR probably the worst blogger. Ever. I would never make it as a professional blogger. I mean, I get that. However, I am at such a MAJOR cross road in my life, and while I have tried my best to just take it day by day, perhaps blogging may help. Not sure, but we shall see. I am not even going to bother going over the past year. It has had its ups, and its downs. We are Fords, we know that there will be storms. We have weathered them like the Fords weather things. We get through it, and we try to not think about when the next storm will come. I will say that 2010, and so far 2011 have been quite calm. Perhaps God is testing another marriage. I SURE hope so! HA:) I am still at home with Kinsley. I have my good days, and I have my bad. I LOVE that little girl, but OMGosh, I am paying for my raising(and I am also paying for Mike's which is not fair, I don't think.) She is STILL a mess, only now she climbs, and screams, and tells me NO. I love wondering about what the teenage years will be like. Not really. She is quite the little model, which is actually very funny, because if people knew what she was like without a camera in her face, they would scratch their heads as to why she rocks the camera.Colby is, well turning into a young man. Who does things he is not supposed to. Why do they have to grow up? I just HATE it. He has started golf lessons, and that seems to really make him excited. THANK GOODNESS we have found something. Mike is now a BIG BOY Sgt!!! WHOO-HOO!! I am so proud of that man. He has overcome so many hurdles and he manages to do it with such grace. I admire him for that. SO much. As for me...Well its kinda hard to explain. For the past 6 years, my whole heart has been in nursing. Until about 6 months ago, I had the plan to finish my degree, and then get a job as a school nurse. Now, I have NO clue what I want to be when I grow up. Now, I understand that 28 is a little late to be trying to decide your career path. I have recently started a new business endeavur as a DSR for Vintage Couture(My Vintage Baby.) I have to tell you, I LOVE it. I have had the opportunity to meet, and LEARN from some AMAZINGLY FABBY FAB women. This whole company is just pretty darn awesome. And if it makes any sense, I "get it". This whole people, selling thing is probably in my blood, because it comes so easy. I am not convinced that I am going to do this forever, and I have also not taken off my nursing hat forever, but I also have no idea what I am going to do. I feel like the Lord has some AMAZING plans for me, and I want to do them, I just don't know what they are, and if my hubby is going to put up with my wish-washiness much longer either. I suppose we shall see. Ok. Gosh, now see, I just feel so much better! Maybe there is something to this whole bloggin' thing...Oh lets not get ahead of ourselves. Baby steps.
I am the wife of the most AMAZING police Sgt. IN the world. I am the mommy of the most AMAZING kids. Colby is 10 and Kinsley is 3. I spend my days as a school nurse, and I am BLESSED by sweet doodles daily. I get to be called friend to the most AMAZING women. In the world. Who is blessed? THIS GIRL:)