Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Out of the black hole, back into the Pink one


So last week just for lack of better words...SUCKED. I shut down...Completely shut down for a day. What a wasted day. I hate being like that. It's not me. I mean...It can be me, if I let it. I choose not to let it. I was not a motivator for my friends, I was not available for my husband or my kids. I was selfish. I chose to have a pity party, and cry. A Lot. I don't enjoy that side of me, but she visits ever so often. I am blessed. Truly blessed. Last week I forgot that. My purpose of this post is to remind me when I get down. To stop. Look around. Remember what I have, and forget about what I don't have. I know there are moms out there that would just almost give anything to stay home with their children, and while I can NOT guarentee that I will LOVE it everyday, I am making every effort to not dwell on what I "could" be doing, and try to focus more on what I CAN do while I am home.

1) Mike is completely drained when he gets home. I mean, he can barely talk because he is so "talked" out. This really has a tendency to frustrate the FIRE outta me. I want to talk... So he has started coming home and going straight to the shower. He uses that time to unwind, and de-program himself. If I worked, I would feel the same way, and I would not want to talk either, and then no one would be talking...except the kids...to each other. That is not good.

2) The house pretty much stays clean...I am not saying its spotless, BUT I have less than 3 loads of laundry that needs to be done at a time...If you know me super well, then you know that I am more the type to have laundry moutains...And then I get so overwhelmed I just stare at it...And then my husband finally has enough and it causes a fight, and then I spend the next day trying to catch up...This doesn't happen now that I am home. I am thankful for one less fight.

3)I am able to meet friends for lunch, or go to the grocery store when there are not 5 million people there. That is very nice.

4) I can take a nap...its true

I can give all my energy to my family, but I have to choose to not be bitter about it. Perhaps Kinsley needs a mother day out program...Perhaps I need to join a moms group...Honestly...I think it all boils down to how I feel about MYSELF...Isn't that dumb?! Ha! I mean I think If I felt better about my weight, hair, nails, clothes,(I mean it can go on and on...) then I would be more content in other areas... Perhaps bootcamp is NOT such a bad idea after all... I mean who wants to join a moms group, or even go out in public when your stupid clothes don't fit? Call me vain, but I do NOT.

I certainly am not fully into my pink hole, and I am not out of my black hole completely....BUT the hole I am in is starting to lighten up, and hey that's a start! I am still trying to find my purpose, but I HAVE TO REMEMBER TO TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!!!!!!! :)

Love you sweet friends!!!!

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