Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Submit...no really

Hello fiends! As I sit here and write this blog entry, I am quite conflicted. If you know me even a little, then you have probably wondered what in the world happened to me in regards to Facebook. Maybe you thought I deleted you, or worse, deleted you and blocked you from my FB page. The truth is, my family was in crisis the month of April. Like, true, scary, phone calls to divorce attys, and much more. It was BY FAR the WORSE month of my life. My husband was done, and I watched my "perfect, and pretty picture" smash into a million pieces, and there was nothing I could do about it. For the fisrt time in my marriage, I was scared to death. I was slapped in the face(hard) with my selfishness in regards to not only Mike, but to my children. It was a very ugly picture that I was left with. But, what to do? I had to fight. I had to fight even when he was being so cruel to me out of his own hurt. Pinot Grigio had to go, and even harder than that, FB had to go. I had to find new coping mechanisms. I started seeing a counselor. I had to endure times that were awful. I prayed. And prayed. I had to discover that 30, I have no clue who I really am. April showers bring May flowers, and the Ford family is testiment to that. Mike and I are out of crisis, and I have developed so much understanding and growth over the past month. One word that keep coming to me in April was the word "submit. "I didnt really understand it, but I found that I was doing it nonetheless. I know that God only tests His soliders, and while I know that He has taught me(THE HARD WAY EVERY TIME...)many lessons. I have grown from each of them, and every time I go through one, I worry that I can't handle much more. Yet, I do. Now that Mike and I are out of the "crisis," I am conflicted a little, because I am not feeling that this is where this lesson ends. I feel like Proverbs 31 is weighing on me. I am not a bible expert, but I know about Proverbs 31. I also know that I am quite possibly the FURTHEST thing from a virtuous wife. Still, I feel as though I am being called. I am dragging my feet a tad, but I am hopeful nonetheless. Stay tuned for the journey.